The Most Important Words You Need To Hear in the Bedroom

2 min read

Consent is the most important thing to establish before you have sex, but not everybody understands how to ask for (or to give) consent.

What We Need To Learn

In her book, Doing It, author Hannah Witton explains that consenting to sex is often more complex than it should be. While talking about sex can feel taboo in our culture, consent is mandatory. It makes sex a consensual, positive, and healthy experience. Consent means the people involved want to be there, no one is forced or pressured, and everyone involved has the full capacity to consent. 

Simplify Your Love Life

“Consent is a voluntary, enthusiastic, and clear, ‘Yes I want this,” explains Witton. Phrases like “I’m not feeling well” or “I don’t know” are not consent, and should always end the session.

Try This At Home

Both partners should clearly establish consent every time they have sex. Here are a few easy phrases to remember during those intimate moments…

Simple Ways To Ask for Consent

  • Where do you want me to touch you?
  • How does that feel?
  • Do you want this?
  • Tell me what you want.
  • Shall I keep going?

Simple Ways To Give Consent

  • That feels good.
  • Yes please
  • I’d like that!
  • I want you to touch me here
  • Keep going

The Afterglow

“There needs to be open lines of communication, and you should feel comfortable enough with that person to be able to say no if you don’t want to do something,” explains Witton. Without that level of trust and intimacy, you should not be making out with somebody.

Witton sums it up well: “If in doubt, ask! I don’t know how to reiterate this enough. Ask, ask, ask. Communication is fantastic!”

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